Alkahest my heroes have always died at the end

April 25, 2008

Musical fortune telling

Filed under: Uncategorized — cec @ 8:59 am

From etselec and because it amused me, my fortune as told by a random selection of my music with interpretive accompaniment by yours truly:

1. How does the world see me?

Lightnin’ Hopkins – No Education

Ouch. Apparently the world sees me as an academic poseur. I guess I can live with that, but it’s a bit rough to see.

2. Will I have a happy life?

R.E.M. – Exhuming McCarthy

Hrm. I guess this means that I will be persecuted for my perceived communism by a raving lunatic. I’m not a big fan of persecution, but I suppose that being harassed by an idiot like McCarthy might be fun for a while. Of course, the downside is that I’ll be professionally ruined.

3. What do my friends really think of me?

Barenaked Ladies – Just a Toy

Is this fortune done yet? I’m guessing this suggests a clown. That’s very sad.

4. Do people secretly lust after me?

Steppenwolf – For Ladies Only

I think I’m going to take that as a “yes” and move on.

5. How can I make myself happy?

Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – All My Lovin

I guess that means to stay married, but with a punk beat. I can do that.

6. What should I do with my life?

John Lee Hooker – I Cover the Waterfront

Is this saying that I should go to sea? Maybe I can work with rdc at MOTE 🙂

7. Why must life be so full of pain?

The Pogues – Dirty Old Town

I think this says that life is full of pain because of the breakdown of community and the social safety net. We all have it in our capability to make other people happier and we choose not to.

8. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?

They Might Be Giants – Which Describes How You’re Feeling All the Time

Bahahaaa! In Chasing Amy, there was a discussion of “constant information” during sex. I think we’ll go with that and move on.

9. Will I ever have children?

Men Without Hats – Intro: Eloise

Yes – and at least the first will be a girl named Eloise, poor girl.

10. Will I die happy?

XTC – Miniature Sun

Interpreting this involves knowing a little family history or maybe it’s family legend – those things are hard to keep straight. Shortly after the Civil War, the Union wanted someone to retrieve a load of dynamite from Pennsylvania in the winter. Since dynamite is unstable at cold temperatures, it would take an idiot. Enter a some of my great-uncles (or maybe great-great-uncles) who managed to get themselves blown up in the attempt. I take this to mean that I too will die in a ball of fire. So, does that mean happy? Probably, after all, I am an engineer 🙂

11. What is some good advice for me?

Blues Traveler – Gotta Get Mean

Boo. Hiss. I demand a new fortune that’s less cynical.

12. What is happiness?

Blues Traveler – Lost me there

Ha – that sounds about right. I’m really better with contentment than happiness and after all, I’m entering that time in my life when people are supposed to be less happy. Check back in 15 years or so and I’m supposed to be on the upswing of that one.

13. What’s my favourite fetish?

Steppenwolf – Don’t Step on the Grass, Sam

Okay, so not a pot smoker. Never been a drug taker. If I had to guess, it’s a reference to the promotion of civil liberties which is something of a fetish for me.

14. How will I be remembered?

Squirrel Nut Zippers – Low Down Man

Ouch. And we end the fortune the same way we began it with – insults to my character. I think I need a better (or maybe worse) random song selector, or maybe better music.


  1. Good selection of groups, makes me want to pull out my old Blues Travelers albums. Never heard of Squirrel Nut Zippers, they must be punk.

    Comment by Free Online Fortune Teller — April 25, 2008 @ 10:14 pm

  2. thanks 🙂

    fwiw, Squirrel Nut Zippers was (is?) a local swing band that I listened to in the late 90s, early 2000s

    Comment by cec — April 29, 2008 @ 9:23 am

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